How to Be an Unwoke Church, Gender Justice Edition
Want to keep away the woke Christians? Say no to gender justice.
Hello again unwoke brothers and sisters, but mostly brothers. You sisters probably shouldn’t be reading this, because if you read things for yourselves, then you might get tempted to have ideas and that might lead to you speaking up in church and putting a stop to sisters speaking up is exactly why I am writing this follow up thought piece.
Back in March, I blessed the brethren by listing five ways a based, unwoke church could make sure everybody could know that your church was pure and unwoke, so that woke, fake Christians would stay away as far as humanly possible. Everybody read it at the time, so you remember it I am sure. However, for you recent converts, I will summarize. If you want to have a based, unwoke church, touch not the unclean things which are:
Drag queens
David French
Critical Race Theory
People who don’t believe America is God’s chosen nation, and
Certain uncontrollably woke people like Phil Vischer, Mike Cosper, Beth Moore, and especially Warren Throckmorton.
All of this is still true, but there is something that has gotten so big and so bad and so woke that it has entered the top five with a bullet. You might say a pink bullet.
Gender Justice
I can barely utter the words. In the words of the most unwoke, basest Southernest Baptist alive, General William Wolfe, “If a Christian pastor uses the term ‘gender justice’—run.” I agree. And I mean run, don’t walk. Walking is woke; running, especially away from stuff, is unwoke.
In specifics, the pastor Gen. Wolfe wants you to run from is Southern Baptist pastor J.D. Greear since J.D. doesn’t have actual man names, uses unisex initials, and speaks the words gender justice a lot. Now J.D. used to be president of the Southern Baptists, but he apparently thinks women are able to do things in the church besides show up ten minutes late and ruin the church family. This clearly makes him woke. Actually, J.D. believes in gender justice so he gets mad at everybody who is late, whether they be male or female or non-trinity. Seems fair actually, but life isn’t fair so don’t get any gender justice ideas.
Whatever ideas you have, remember gender justice isn’t good. Unwoke churches don’t believe in it. If you have women in your church (and most churches do, in fact most of the people who go to church are women; weird), then naturally they take orders from men. That seems fair since men like to give orders. That way everybody is doing what they are good at.
Hope this is helpful. If you follow these steps, I believe you won’t have to worry about gender justice very much at all since you won’t have many women around to bug you about it. Mission accomplished, bro!
Don’t miss How to Be an Unwoke Church!
Well done. As Barbara Tuchman wrote: “Theology being the work of males, original sin was traced to the female.”
If the American Church's experience is anything like that of the British one, there will come a time when women's involvement in church leadership will be the only thing that keeps their doors open.
In the US, in 1960, just 2.3% of church leaders were women. In 2016, it was 20.7%.
No doubt, conservative congregations will be the most resistant to the trend, and some would rather close than elevate a woman to the pulpit, but I have absolutely no doubt that the numbers will continue to increase. Attitudes will change sooner or later once churches realize that being "anti-woke" is an luxury they can no longer afford.